he is always watching

One can form a vague and dewy web of thought about another, a dream catcher understanding about a person’s life through the notes they keep. That’s why we love the journals and musings from our heroes; we are puzzle-piecing them together constantly, trying to get there from here. But does this work? The old adage: a man’s at a train station in Philly and he asks another man, Excuse me, Sir. How do you get to London from here?  The man looks blankly at the confused traveler and states simply, You can’t. You can’t get there from here. 

But notes do tell us what’s momentarily interesting to another? What are we trying to say about life? Where is our attention zeroed in? Where are we trying to go from where we are? Is it neurotic or is it thoughtful? How thoroughly cavernous can it get?

First,  the notebook in one’s handbag getting used like the town whore for any old note:

-image of an egg spinning on the counter, when it’s cooked it spins when uncooked it doesn’t spin.

-Ley lines in the earth.

-Skeg keys. Stripped screws. “Careful with the skeg key, the screws’ nearly stripped.”

- Caveat Emptor- Buyer Beware.

- Nomenclature- devising names for things.

- How I love crinkling a paper note after I’ve absorbed or transferred its contents.

- Shaktipat. Transference

- With a straight face she tells me about Rave beings mutating in 2027. – Human Design.

- Erewhon tonic bar, red ant shen tonic. (actual crushed red ants).

- This particular trend of book titles: the calligrapher’s daughter. The accordianist’s son. The torturer’s wife

-Snus Packet. How I could taste it when we kiss.

- the POV of being on a Matson container barge. Allan Sekula photography.


Then there's the Notes App on the iPhone, used most when don't want to lose the tidbit:

- “Sirius the space-time continuum for Earth. There’s a magnet in your chest, right below your breast. It’s a black hole activator. You’re basically a black hole.” (She actually believes this)

- Santa Ana winds known as the Murder Winds because the crime rate goes up during high winds in LA

- Stellum- a massive energy at least 3 planets.

- Chiron is a planetoid.  Discovered in 1978 a conscious time. Our psychic wound is Chiron—who raised Oedipus, a Greek centaur who was a wounded healer.

- The tender muscles in the cheeks below the brows- meridians, always wondering if it’s from too much caffeine.


This naturally leads to the Voice Memos app in iPhone, especially useful while driving or when one wakes up in the middle of the night/ predawn/ early hours with a dream that’s already fading or the answer to the question one’s been pondering:

“I realized that the cranes hanging look like Kanjis from far away. They are wild markings on the wall; white wall, black markings, streaming down the wall they look like cranes, and that’s why I started making cranes, that’s what I thought the vision was. But the markings are something else entirely. They do look like cranes but what are they. I don’t see it clear enough yet.” - 5:03 am

And the emails to self while at work:

- cloud patterns in the sky; are they reacting to the energy above or below?

- My wife’s glee at her own epiphany.

- Carpal tunnel ruining life.

- How I’m still his phone screen saver.

-the house before the world. - Camus
- some pretty juicy and heated tidbits being exchanged on the Stockhouse bullboards:"gold looks like it's going to have an ascending triangle break out." "Semiconductors a fallen angel but now hitting the sweet spot."

- Precious Metals great name for short story...every metal’s got a story: Palladium, Rhodium, Molybedenum

- C at Citi always looking for the Fibonacci Sequence, the Phi pattern in the charts. 

-about a man who's hoping metals go up but they aren't. his life's work spiraling downward because the govt. shorting the price to keep the dollar looking better than is so people don't freak out. 


The cork board full of heroes advising how to do it:

-save the whimsical for the transcendent moments. EM

-if you don’t risk anything you risk even more. E. Jong. 

-you don't know it until you fucking know it. - EM

“Your reality is blocking my fantasy.” – Daisy/ Breck

“How’ve I been? God. I’ve been God. I’ve been good. Good god. God is good. The goo of god is good.” – me, in a moment of genius, obviously.

- “The Really Radical thing to grok is that essentially you’re in a relationship with yourself!” – Roz quoting Adi Da. 

-“Be in the Game.” – Café Gratitude Law

“Follow the follower.” – Daisy on Acting

“God, I’m feeling so uninspired.” – me on a particulary droll day

“Every day I’m a hus-a-lin huss-a-lin.” - E.

“The heart wants to be free.” - anon

The gyre. The center cannot hold. –Yeats

“They have only what they deserve.” – Camus, notebooks, p.19

“I don’t like eyes set too close together.” “No,” R says. “Means George Bush. Angry.”

 “I’m not only a client, I’m the playa president.” – Biggie Poppa.

“whatever became of her?” “She became super-religious and now makes bead jewelry.” “Oh how awful.” 


More iPhone lists, this time on plot ideas:

-Where does art go when it’s stored. What do the warehouses look like? What do they feel like? About the security guard who watches priceless art no one sees.

- hiking with Artie down that Ravine below the Sanctuary. Knowing I shouldn’t go further. Feeling the spirit force, wanting more than anything to respect it. They didn't want a woman in a bikini down there.

- the baby who can’t get baptized at the Catholic Church her mom went to because the mom not married and wouldn’t let church give her counseling with the father.

- X-chrome and Y-chrome. X is mitochondrial and Y is father to father that’s why our last names make sense, they don’t mutate. The X chrome swaps, so it has a tangled history. The y chrome doesn’t swap except with itself has to repair itself, there’s also a mathematical code in y chromes- the palindromes written into their codes.

- Jay’s Story- bush pilot, linseed oil, minerals, making paints to paint out there, McCarthy Copperfield. 3 day flood.

- E not knowing how to build a fire. How two people become useful to one another.

- All my sister wants is a linen closet.

- What you’d do with 247 million.

- A girl being dragged ¼ a mile by a horse in an abbey. She wears a tiara. Gravel picked out with tweezers.

-The intensity of being a woman: Honeymoon syndrome, Morning after pill, the smell of the urine after the drugs, the ache in the kidneys.

- Looking at the shower curtain map of the world and planning a “en route to”. I chart out Bucharest and Budapest, draw my finger along the Orient Express as I let the conditioner set. Skip the Middle East and Morocco, Africa too. I want cool Alp breezes and pretty Pyreenes farm boys, a satisfying midday drunk from high elevation coupled with fresh baguette and triple cream brie. What. It’s a hiking trip. I’ll burn it off right after I devour it. Then a train to the outskirts of Holland where the infamous bathhouse is. I’ll take note of the tiling so I can replicate it in my first home.

- She having friend send her family in Chicago Xmas presents so as not to be cut out of the will. Disguising fact that she’s not in the county.

- Kalalau trail ketamine story. How he plopped down, said this spot looks good and jammed into Larry’s leg. disabled him. How humiliated Larry was as the tourists gawked by, he unable to move or speak.

- There was a period of time when I was only having 20 hours in the day. The latitude and the longitude on the Semester at Sea boat.– E./ could be interesting story for discussing time/ space time. 

- On an Oil Rig. The poles and machinery. An Alaskan fishing boat. Cold, hard, crusted in salt and grime.


Morley Callaghan says, "There is only one trait that marks the writer. He is always watchingIt's a kind of trick of the mind and he is born with it." Making sense of the watching another thing entirely.