The Beauty Wars

The two of them didn’t know it but I was learning enough to write an encyclopedia of knowledge on beauty. Beau and Esmé, both beautiful, sometimes working actresses, both with a degree of legit success, both with enough blows to be rigorous in their routine.  Both luminescent in that way only actresses are. Stifling for the ordinary types.

It started about three weeks ago when I went to the fresh air market with Esmé. Strawberries and kale, local creamed honey and suddenly I was in the throes of learning how to sauté miniature purple artichokes, how to simmer them just so with a certain kind of olive oil to achieve the perfect side dish to a salmon entre.

The following day I went on a walk with Beau to the local health food restaurant where she introduced me to a new and rare kind of kombucha and organic local dairy free gelato made with agave and coconut milk. I mentioned this to Esmé later that night in an email thinking she would like the healthiness of it all and it’d be something I could show her when she came to visit next. She said that sounded intriguing.

Two days later Esmé had me over to test out her new raw chocolate recipe and experiment with high-end temporary tattoos and a new hair treatment made from argan oil. We got high on the theobromine while attempting tattoo after tattoo—never applying the right amount of pressure or alcohol to get it to look like in the pictures. Eventually I got a koi fish to turn out and snapped a picture I then texted to Beau. I knew she had an audition tomorrow where she had to look heroin chic and thought if she got some tattoos she’d be more convincing at the audition.

Well apparently Esmé was at the same audition with the same temporary tattoo on the same parts of her wrists as Beau and was upset because she wanted to be unique. We laughed about it over cold press coffee with almond milk a few days later but I felt a little bad so to make upfor it I told her that Beau’s beauty secret of getting the whites of her eyes real white was to drink gynostemma tea. I knew Esme we was always using Visine and so she nodded and wrote it down in her iphone notes and this made me feel useful so I also told her about the MSM lotion that Beau treated like gold, and the Chinese beauty pills she bought at erewhon that had things like deer antler and goat placenta in it.

A couple days later Beau asked me if I had told Esmé about the MSM lotion as she’d run into her at the speciality store across town where it was made and sold and I said that yes I had mentioned it because Esmé was going on and on about how perfect Beau’s skin was. Beau didn’t want to confess that she didn’t outright want anything known as to her practices so instead she said tell Esmé her hair color is perfect and to please pass on the name of her colorist. I said I would and texted Esmé right away to show her I was serious.